Awake while the rest are sleeping

2:45 AM and I'm still awake. Well, I have to be since I work at these hours.

It's raining and everyone is asleep. The cold is making me feel warm and the silence feels nostalgic. This moment is quite rare and here I am spending it by blogging. Well, this is what makes it nostalgic for me.

Back in high school and through college, I spent most of my time alone, in my room, and mostly in front of my computer. There wasn't much to do and I was at the ages where I was constantly discovering new things about myself and the world I live in. I used to write - it was my way of expressing myself. Reading back the things I’ve written has made me realize how much I relied on sadness, hardship, and my troublesome feelings to create something I actually find beautiful.

Why is it that hurtful emotions make a better muse for just about anything? It is for me, at least. I can somehow deliver better when I channel those emotions into creativity. Happiness? It’s hard.

I’ve probably never written anything good while I was in a happy state. I have tried but I’ve likely trashed them or have unfinished work from it.

I’m not sad or anything right now. I’m just stating these things. Perhaps this is my current self’s way of telling old self or maybe future self that this is how I’ve been living.

But, I am happy. Even though I am currently living and writing this in a time of a pandemic and have a lot of uncertainties - I’m thankful and I do feel blessed beyond reason. Maybe this is me trying to find a different source of inspiration.

Right now feels nice. Though, truth be told, I can’t wait for everyone to wake up. It’ll be a nicer moment then.